So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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