My hand turned me down
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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