'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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