Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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