Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
