Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
