is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
nutella sex= disaster
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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