we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
