My room smells like vodka and shame
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
