i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
