I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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