Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
