every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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