I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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