Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
