awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every concussion has its silver lining
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
