It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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