Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
