She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
