If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
