:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
