He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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