u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
false alarm. still invincible.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
