You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
