Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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