ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do herpes really smell.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
