Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize