my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
