What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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