That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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