we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
