I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
