I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
