What did we do last night that was yellow?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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