i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
