He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
