the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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