I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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