What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
