We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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