You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
