I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
