Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
