I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
