weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
