Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
