u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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