At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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