I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He felt like a one man threesome
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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