Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
