Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
